maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
