who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
