For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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