I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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