Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
