it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
