Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
