How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
