If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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