90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
