Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
