I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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