Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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