I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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