I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
