This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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