they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
What changed your mind?
Being sober
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize