That's intense
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
