So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
