Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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