the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize