She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize