Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
