My Higher Power is John Stamos
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
