CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
