He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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