did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
