She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
