I look better un-naked...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
