So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
