so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
