How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
