would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
