You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
