He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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