i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
