he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
