Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
