Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
