You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
