You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
