It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
