I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize