Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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