he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
