smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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