It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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