whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
