I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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