fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
