What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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