Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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