Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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