Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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