You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
