i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i love accidental penises.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
