i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
