it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
