I bet he comes in French.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
