my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
