from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize