I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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