I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
