He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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