so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So apparently I’m into choking now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
