You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
