I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
